When I travel, one of my favorite t-shirts to wear is my “Ithaca is Gorges” t-shirt. It’s punny, and people who know Ithaca always seem happy to comment on it.

So, I’m flying back from Charleston on Labor day (which was a fantastic trip, btw.. pics here) and when I go to get my boarding passes at the United automated check in computer thing, it tells me to go and please see the counter. Of course, I am wearing the aforementioned “Ithaca is Gorges” t-shirt.

Puzzled, I go up to the counter and ask them about it.

“I like your t-shirt,” says the cute, bespectacled woman behind the check in counter.

“Thanks. Ithaca IS gorges. As in.. GORGES. Cuz, you know.. there’s lots of GORGES there.”

I smile and raise my eyebrows cheesily. I smile again.

“Get it? GORGES? GORGEOUS.. Ithaca is.. GORGES!”

I smile, more sheepishly this time. She chuckles.

“Are you Dennis?”

“Uh, yes, I am.” I look down at the counter, and there’s an itinerary printed out with my name on it.

“Would you mind changing your flight? You get in an hour earlier,” she asks.

“Sure, no problem.” I reply.

At this point, she furiously starts typing and informs me that the new flight leaves in 45 minutes, so I’d have to hurry — she tells me to run over to the Delta desk to get my new boarding passes and then come back and see her at her desk. I walk briskly (since I cannot run yet due to my new ACL) over to the desk and claim my passes, and looking down, I notice that they’re first class tickets.. SCORE!

I return to the counter, where she presents me with a voucher for free air travel, in return for accepting their offer. Double SCORE!!

“You can thank your t-shirt for the voucher,” she kids (I think). She winks at me as I run off to security.

doug: laura just spent $120 on the perfect bike basket.

doug: http://bit.ly/WZyhW

luckyvespa13: awesome.

luckyvespa13: you should get her this

luckyvespa13: http://fabrichorse.blogspot.com/2009/03/purchase-basket-bag-and-support-womens.html

doug: looks cool. I need to know the dimensions of the bag, though, to see if it will fit in the basket.

doug: ha. i sent an email asking for dimensions, and they updated the site. small businesses rule.

luckyvespa13:

luckyvespa13: AWESOME.

luckyvespa13 (11:53:54 AM): DUDE

luckyvespa13 (11:53:55 AM): http://www.woot.com/

luckyvespa13 (11:53:56 AM): NIGHT VISION

luckyvespa13 (11:53:58 AM): should i get it?

andrewsyang (11:54:09 AM): yes

andrewsyang (11:54:12 AM): get it

luckyvespa13 (11:54:16 AM): buying.

luckyvespa13 (11:54:17 AM): man

andrewsyang (11:54:24 AM): what are you going to do with it

andrewsyang (11:54:28 AM): don’t get it

andrewsyang (11:54:33 AM): seriously?

andrewsyang (11:54:43 AM): don’t get it

luckyvespa13 (11:55:03 AM): no?

luckyvespa13 (11:55:22 AM): it’s tiny

andrewsyang (11:55:22 AM): no

luckyvespa13 (11:55:23 AM): http://www.amazon.com/Yukon-Elf-1™-Night-Vision-Monocular/dp/B000BOHCE2/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

andrewsyang (11:55:32 AM): what are you going to do with it?

luckyvespa13 (11:55:36 AM): i can look at bailey

luckyvespa13 (11:55:37 AM): at night

luckyvespa13 (11:55:55 AM): ok youre right.

andrewsyang (11:56:02 AM): wtf

andrewsyang (11:56:05 AM): don’t get it

luckyvespa13 (11:57:12 AM): phew

luckyvespa13 (11:57:30 AM): NIGHT VISION!!!

Anyway… of course, as per most conversations that involve me, our discussion digressed.

On Sep 17, 2008, at 9:39 AM, Dennis Yang wrote:

see? this is why IM is better than email.

On Wed, Sep 17, 2008 at 9:45 AM, Dan wrote:

ah yes…. but like a sword, IM has two edges. as long as you’re using the right edge, you’re okay.

On Sep 17, 2008, at 9:47 AM, Dennis Yang wrote:

i dislike that metaphor. who says that there’s a “wrong side” of a double edged sword anyway? i mean, last i checked, a double edged sword affords the wielder *more* cutting power, both in a thrust and a backhanded swashbuckle. i don’t think that having a sharpened opposing edge of a sword really increases the danger to its wielder appreciably. sword wielding skill is still paramount, and if you’re hitting yourself in the head with a single edged sword, it’s really your fault, and not the sword’s.

On Wed, Sep 17, 2008 at 9:54 AM, Dan wrote:

Touché! (So to speak.)

K: So is she more marina or hipster?
Me: I guess more of a hipster.. but I think she was a hippie before.
K: So a hippie can become a hipster?
Me: Yah.. you just remove the “pie” and add a “ster”
K: Oh, okay.

Btw… K, wherever you are, you are my favorite. honest.

[Snip, snip... I removed the part of the conversation where I explain what "The Bends" are.]

K: so, essentially we’re make up of dry ice?
Me: especially if they’ve been scuba diving
Me: then the nitrogen in their bodies would start to bubble out
Me: but
K: isn’t that whas liquid nitrogen is?
Me: they have to go really high
Me: um.. no, and no.
Me: dry ice is carbon dioxide
K: oh
Me: and liquid nitrogen is.. liquid nitrogen.
K: hmm
K: isn’t that the stuff they freeze warts off with?
Me: maybe?
K: oh ok
K: I think so
Me: i dont know what this has to do with your question
K: oh, I just recognized liquidy nitrogen
K: then started to think of another question
K: hmm
K: ok, so air turns to liquid when pressurized
K: then it needs time to turn back into air
K: on the way up?
Me: no
K: oh
Me: nitrogen, in the air
Me: dissolves into your body
Me: when pressurized
Me: and when you depressurize
Me: then if you don’t do it slowly
K: oh ok
Me: then it the bubbles that form are too big
Me: and then they cause problems
K: so, you need time to get the nitrogen out?
Me: exactly.
Me: if you come up more slowly
Me: then the gases can get out of your body without causing bad things.
K: ok
K: like farts?
Me:

It was a great dinner (afterall, it’s not called *Good* China), but one scene keeps replaying in my head, and I keep laughing to myself about it all morning…

A little back story.. since we were kids, Andy has always had a thing about sharing food. He thinks is super gross or something. It’s not that he’s selfish, I think it’s a germy thing. Like, if you ask for a sip of his Coke, he’ll be like, “Yah.. um, ok..” (takes a huge gulp of coke, and then hands it to you.) “here you go, you can have the rest.” Hehe.. It’s one of those quirks that makes Andy, Andy. Anyway…

So, we’re about midway through the dinner, and there’s a big plate of food that is just about finished.. They come to clear some dishes away to make room… Seeing that there was still some food left on the big plate, someone suggested that they transfer it to a smaller plate.

The server nods, and then looks around for a second, searching for a utensil of some sort. She looks down, and seeing that Andy’s fork was sitting idly on his plate, grabs it.

Andy looks up at the server with like a concerned look, and I can just imagine what is going on in his head:

(Ed: This is what I imagined Andy to be thinking, and by his expression, I really think that he was thinking it… that said, I haven’t really asked Andy if he, in deed, *was* thinking this. I guess I could, but this version of the story has been running through my head all morning, and providing me with a lot of amusement.)

“Hmm.. um.. she’s really using MY fork to push the communal food? Eeeew. That’s gross. Wait.. It’s MY fork, so I guess I don’t have a problem with that, do I?”

I could totally see the internal debate going on inside Andy’s head. He kind of looked over at me, and I tried to give him a knowing nod to let him know that I knew what he was thinking, but who knows if he was actually thinking that or not.

Haha. Ok.. see, just writing up this post, I’m sitting here smiling. So if you’re not finding the amusement in my story, then here’s something that you better find funny… STAR WARS TRUMPET!!!

If you are not laughing now, then yah.. um. I can’t help you..

Setting: My House

(The phone rings)

Chinese Speaking Telemarketer: nee how mah? (Translation: How are you?)
Me: Who is this?
CST: nee hway jiang guo yi mah? (Translation: Do you speak Chinese?)
Me: I do, but I would rather not speak Chinese to telemarketers.
CST: (Something unintelligible.)

*click*

Woo, Fun. I actually spoke with them the first time, and they were selling me long distance service to China or something. And then it was really fun explaining to them (in Chinese) that I didn’t want their long distance service. So yah, now that they’re calling like almost every day (hooray), I’ve found that speaking English seems to be the best way to deal with them.

Yay, phone spam!

=========
Chat Information
Please wait for a site operator to respond.
Chat Information
You are now chatting with ‘Marc’

Marc: Thank you for shopping at UncommonGoods. How may I help you?
you: Chopsticks. I need chopsticks.
you: watchoo got?
Marc: I’m sorry, we do have items that include chopsticks, but we do
not have chopsticks by themselves
you: Eenteresting.
you: how about angora sweaters?
Marc: We do not have any adult clothing except for some slippers and a t-shirt.
you: Hmmm…
you: How about keyboard software?
Marc: We have no software
you: Or a topper for a Christmas tree.
you: You know, like an angel, a star, or sweet baby Jesus.
you: That lights up.
Marc: We have this item:
Marc: http://www.uncommongoods.com/item/item.jsp?itemId=14107
you: Right idea, but GACK is that thing ugly.
you: You do sell moose measuring spoons, though.
you: in pewter.
Marc: Yup, we have those!
you: Ok. Thank you!
Marc: You’re welcome.
Marc: Is there anything else I may assist you with?
you: Nothing comes to mind, but now that I know you’re here, you’re only a button click away.
Marc: I’ll be here!
you: muchas gracias, amigo.
Marc: De Nada. Bueno Noches.

Background: So, I decided to work from a coffee shop today, since it was gorgeous out, and I really needed to get out of the house.. I don’t regularly drink coffee.

Me: I’ll have a large mocha please.
Barista: For here or to go?
Me: For here.
Barista: Whipped cream?
Me: Sure!
Barista: 3 shots or 4?

I contemplate this question intently, and wonder if I should just ask for 1 shot, or (gasp) decaf.. but I decide against it

Me: (not very sure of this answer) Um.. I guess.. um.. 3?

About 30 minutes later…

Me: WEEEEEE!

Yah… so, um, note to self.. 3 shots is a lot of caffeine for me.

(phone on my desk rings)
Me: Hello?
Dude on the phone: Is Pius there?
(I’m confused since the only people that call my land line are telemarketers and the UPS guy with a package)
Me: Who?
Dotp: Is Pius there?
Me: Ohh.. Pius.. yah, um.. sure.. hold on..
(I cover the phone mouthpiece)
Me (yells): PIUS!!! TELEPHONE!!!!

So yah.. I mean, when was the last time that someone actually called you on your landline to *talk* to someone.. and especially someone other than yourself? I mean when we were kids and stuff, yelling someone’s name for the phone was typical (and today’s kids don’t know that pleasure?)..

Anyway.. as a side note.. I was upstairs, and Pius was down in the living room, so he couldn’t hear me yell.. so I IM’ed him to get the phone. I guess that puts us firmly in the 00s.